Walking with Jesus in Every Season
I am a firm believer that in every stage of our lives we can see Jesus at work, know His character more deeply, and experience His faithfulness. Motherhood, in particular, has brought me closer to God in a unique way. Becoming a mother, I understood more deeply God's love as a Father and what it means to deny oneself, among many other lessons. But today I want to share what God taught me in each of my pregnancies. Three pregnancies, three completely different experiences, three truths that have been etched in my heart.
1. I learned that God is never late; He does everything perfectly in His timing.
“I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Jeremiah 32:27
My husband and I went through a long infertility process: more than four years of appointments, procedures, loneliness, pain, doctors, treatments, and medications. It was a very hard time. In early 2019, our primary care physician told us we wouldn't be able to have children and recommended we seek other alternatives. At that moment, God began to work on our hearts, and the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, when King Nebuchadnezzar was about to throw them into the fiery furnace (in Daniel 3), came to mind. They said something that stuck in my mind: "Our God is able to save us... but even if He doesn't, we will not worship your gods." (Paraphrased for emphasis: Read Daniel 3:16-18)
God has the power. He has the power to perform the miracle we so desire, but if He doesn't do it, would that change the attitude of our hearts? I began to repeat to myself, "God has the power to give me a child, but even if He doesn't, I will not stop worshiping Him." I reached a point where my faith in God no longer depended on whether I received a miracle or not. That same year, I became pregnant. It was a miracle! God brought life where there was no possibility of life. He can make the impossible possible.
2. I learned to walk with Jesus through pain and loss.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
In 2023, we became pregnant again and were happy; our family was growing. We began sharing the news with family and friends. Everything was going well until one night I dreamed I had lost the baby. Days later, we heard words that broke our hearts: “There is no heartbeat; the baby has stopped growing.” I felt like my world was coming down on me.
Losing a child, whether inside or outside the womb, is one of the deepest pains anyone can experience. In the midst of that pain, I cried out to God I remembered Peter's words when Jesus asked his disciples:
“Do you also want to leave?” “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:67-68, NIV)
Who else could I turn to? Who else can I go to with my pain, in my despair? Only Christ has words that give me life when I feel like it's fading. Christ walked with me through the darkest times, and I've seen that He is close to the brokenhearted.
3. I'm learning to trust in His faithfulness.
“...she received strength to bear children because she considered Him who had made the promise to be faithful.” Hebrews 11:11
After several years of trying and failing to have any more children, earlier this year, I went to a fertility specialist. I heard again what I'd been told years before: “You can't have children.” Five days later, the pregnancy test came back positive. It's as if God loves to perform a miracle just as the doctors close the door, so no one can take the credit.
Something that isn't talked about as much about pregnancy after loss is the mental struggle it brings. Although it's a cause for celebration and joy, the first few months were filled with fear, uncertainty, and insecurity. In those moments, I learned to fix my gaze on Him and cling to His Word.
"Let us hold fast the hope we profess, for He who made the promise is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
I am convinced that in every season of our lives, we have the opportunity to know God more deeply. Let us continue walking hand in hand with Him.
So, in this season (whatever it may be):
May your gaze remain fixed solely on Him.
May you never forget His character and the immense love He has for you.
May your faith remain firm and constant.
And may you experience, in a real and vivid way, how deep, wide, and inexhaustible God's love is.
